Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
