so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you didnt know i had herpes?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
