Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
pray to the hookup gods
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
