my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
