why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
