Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
