ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
