Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
