When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
now i know why i became what i already was.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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