Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
