I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
