Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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