her vagine was all disorganized.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
