I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
