and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
