Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
