Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
