The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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