Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
The dick lei will go down in squad history
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
