So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
