Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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