Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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