i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
