Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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