Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
