His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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