Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
