i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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