My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
