Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
