everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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