So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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