Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
