hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
