my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
