so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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