and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
