So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
