How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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