I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
