Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
