onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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