Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
