it's great music for shaving your balls
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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