it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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