i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
