I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
