oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
