I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
