dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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