Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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